I'm a magical girl in the future

Chapter 51 Unacceptable Selfishness

Tonight is Noah's time.

In the darkness, they lay on that bed again. This time, however, Noah wrapped herself in the blanket, her back to Shen Zixin.

That gesture conveyed an attitude—the distance between us ends here.

Although the physical distance between them remains the same as before, the distance between their hearts seems to have grown.

No, the distance between them hasn't increased; rather, Noah is using all her strength to prevent him from getting any closer.

The intense pain in his soul caused by the monster attack during the day had long since subsided thanks to Noah's healing. His physical exhaustion had also dissipated with the passage of time.

But Shen Zixin was wide awake.

The night before last, under the same darkness, Noah opened her heart to him and told him the cruel truth—that she had only saved a parallel world, leaving behind only loneliness and sorrow.

Faced with Noah like this, Shen Zixin ran away.

He fled, letting go of what might have been the only chance to touch the depths of her soul with silence and his self-righteous "understanding."

Although I regretted it afterward, it couldn't make up for my cowardice at the time. The hesitation I had that night made it difficult to open Noah's heart again.

But even so... I have to give it a try.

We cannot allow this "self" from the future to continue wandering alone in that boundless darkness.

So, Shen Zixin mustered her courage—

"Noah".

His voice rang out in the darkness.

The figure under the covers stirred slightly, but did not turn around.

"...What's wrong?"

Noah's voice came through, as calm and steady as ever.

Will you leave me...?

This problem carries a worry that even he himself was unaware of.

"What are you saying?" Noah's tone was lighthearted. "I definitely won't leave."

"The night before last... you told me about that..." Shen Zixin ignored her pretense, "My world is just a completely unrelated parallel universe to you."

"So... you'd be perfectly fine even if you ignored this world, right? What if one day you just quietly disappear?"

As he spoke, he moved slightly toward Noah.

"I once said that no matter what happens, I would be willing to help you... So, even in another world, can I stand by your side?"

"..."

Noah thought for only a few seconds before replying:

"Thank you... but this is a matter for 'my world'... just live your life in your own world... don't worry about me."

As expected... it's still the same.

Shen Zixin could sense that the invisible wall standing between the two of them did not seem to have melted away because of his initiative to make amends.

No, perhaps it wasn't that there was no melting.

He discovered that Noah always seemed to regard "this world" as an "external thing" that was completely separated from her and that she needed to keep her distance from.

Noah was unwilling and dared not truly integrate. Fundamentally, she didn't want to accept the beauty that might exist in this world, beauty that belonged exclusively to her.

"Noah..." Shen Zixin's voice rang out again, "You stayed in this world, and with everyone... with Xiaoling, with my older sister, with Yuran... and even with me, you've rebuilt new 'bonds,' haven't you?"

"Don't see yourself as a ghost of the future, but... truly, make this your home and accept everything here."

"Even if you have lost everything... here, you have a brand new 'future' of your own. The pain of the past may not be completely forgotten, but it should not be a reason for you to reject the happiness in the present."

"Of course, I'm not saying you should abandon your original world. It's just... you can absolutely create a new 'future,' can't you?"

Noah fell silent again.

During this silence, Shen Zixin clearly sensed that Noah was making some kind of noise.

It was the sound of sobbing.

Did Noah cry?

When Noah spoke again, her voice was choked with sobs, and... the sorrow of a broken heart.

"I want to stay here."

"Here... I can see you all. I can live with you, chat with you, and... live a peaceful life like an 'ordinary person'."

"This kind of everyday life is something you can't possibly appreciate how precious it is. But for me, it's like a dream, so beautiful that I'm almost completely immersed in it and can't pull myself out."

"But I absolutely cannot do that."

The resolute determination, like a sharp blade, severed that illusory beauty.

"You can't imagine... what price I paid, what heavy expectations I carried, to struggle and crawl here from that hopeless future."

Her voice was filled with hatred—was it hatred for herself, or hatred for fate?

"I cannot abandon my original world, ignore those who are still waiting for me in despair... just so that I alone can find a peaceful and happy life in this 'parallel' timeline."

"If I really did that... if I really felt at ease enjoying this happiness that wasn't mine... I would completely break down. I would... despise myself."

"So even though I already know that everything I've done is just a futile struggle for 'my world'... I still have to force myself to continue playing the role of 'Noah, the magical girl who travels through time to save the world'."

"I stayed here to 'save the world,' not because I craved the warmth here and abandoned my original world... I can only... I can only tell myself this in a self-deceiving way..."

The pain and contradictions that had been suppressed in her heart for so long, almost consuming her, the unknown torment and self-loathing, finally burst forth without reservation at this moment.

"Then tell me!"

This time, Shen Zixin did not hesitate at all.

His body acted before he could think. He reached out, grasped Noah's slightly trembling shoulders, and pulled her into his arms.

And so, he hugged Noah from behind.

"Since you're in pain and confused, since you don't know what to do... then rely on me! Didn't I say that no matter what happens, we can share it together?!"

His voice was firm; he wanted to convey his feelings to her.

Under Shen Zixin's questioning, Noah could no longer bear it, and tears streamed down her face, making her sob uncontrollably.

"Because... if I tell you all those things..."

"...You will definitely...hate me."

Then, Noah, amidst intermittent sobs, recounted the despicable "crime" she had committed to come to this era.